These are my 2011 resolutions. I’m not normally one to actually make resolutions but I’ve been inspired  I have 5 for work and 5 for my personal life.

Work

1. Learn more about Venture Capitalism –> how it works, key players, trends, etc

2. Be better at Powerpoint –>they are just not up to par with my excel skills

3. Be more creative –> hey us media folk can be creative too!

4. Decrease my use of “totally” at the office –> but like seriously, I need to stop

5. Get to know the creatives –> some of my favorites from my previous agencies are my friends from the creative team, need to get upstairs more often and make friends

Personal

1. Take a tour of a farm in Petaluma –> will either keep me a full vegetarian or give me a place to find healthy, properly raised and slaughtered meat to add back into my diet

2. Be more adventuresome in the city  –> new places out, new neighborhoods and new people

3.  Find a workout/activity that keeps my interested and gets me back in shape –> I loved gravity pilates in San Diego, but it doesn’t exist in San Francisco. TRX? boot camps? hiking? rock climbing?

4.  Test my addiction limits –> give up each of the following for one month: coffee, alcohol, shopping, weekend computer use….hmm anything else I’m addicted to?

5. Call my friends more often –>I’m awful at calling/keeping in touch with my east coast college friend, more phone calls are needed!

A funky little Unicorn with a collection of music videos for you to serenade your friends with = viral gold?

Check it out for yourself at SerenadingUnicorn.com.

But, Pandora, we need to talk. I don’t know what you’re trying to say about me with your recent ads. Does my love of Dragonettes ‘I get around’ and my thumbs uping of Uh Huh Her’s ‘Explode’  imply that I’m a little bit of a whore? Do you think my recent addition of 50 Cent’s “Have a Baby By Me” is a sign that I desperately need birth control? Is that why 90% of the display ads I saw today were for NuvaRing?

I don’t know if the ads were due to behaviroal targeting (I was actively shopping for high heels and looking up bars in SF) or if Pandora was profiling my song choices (check out the above mentioned here, here and here).

One more thing, and this ones for the NuvaRing people, I really don’t want to check out how easy your product is to use. I was terrified there was going to be some sort of how to video. One of the easiest ways to  reduced CTR and decrease engagement – using the word vaginal in your copy and vaguely imply that by clicking the user will see a how to insert video.

(Aren’t you so glad I brought this blog out of retirement?)

Your ads are creeping me out! Who cares if this image is real or fake or how many people can’t pass the illusion test. You have put an image to my head that I will never be able to unsee.

Totally Disturbed,

Erin

Maybe if advertisers created better, more interesting and less incredibly disturbing ads users would not be so against display ads on their favorite sites.

(via @jholic)

I would LOVE to see this client pitch because I have no idea to sell cannabalism to a client.

Meet Zack, the star of the most disturbing online campaign EVER created.

The premise is that Zack went to bed one night with “guy parts” and woke up with “girl parts,” although he remains a guy in every other aspect. Throughout the videos Zack only expresses mild confusion, never close to FREAKING out like most guys would be.

On his site, Zack16.com,  you can read his diary and watch the very professionally produced videos of this transformation.  Check out his diary entry from Day 9 where a copywriter had the time of his life crafting these beautiful and touching words -

It happened so fast. C’mon, I just was just dealing with my newly acquired girl parts. And I had no choice. They just showed up. I didn’t even get a 30-day money back guarantee. Then BAM! I get hit by the menstrual express. I didn’t even have time to give my new girl parts a pet name like “Fifi” or “Alexandra.” No, we had to rush right into menstruation.

In the Day 9 video you’ll see the Tampax vending machine – voila after 9 freaking days of girl parts, vagina, PMS and menstruation talk we finally get a product placement that lets up know who to thank for this this “viral” series.

So thank you, I am now scarred for life. Is this as contagious as swine flu? Can I wake up one morning with “guy parts” or is this a guy to girl only type of thing? Why doesn’t Zack seem more concerned? Is this some sort of super strength STD that I need to be on the look out for?  Or does this prove that you can “lose it” if you don’t “use it”? Why hell isn’t he freaking out?? If I think Zack is cute, am I a lesbian? Ugh, you may have made me feel better about “Menstruation Island” but now I’m questioning my sexuality. Gee thanks Tampax!

Didn’t viral used to mean it was low budget and at least attempted to look like it was consumer produced? I wonder what the bill was for this because I see a part two where Zack wakes up with robot parts! Or his Fifi meets another Fifi and we learn about transsexuals. Or we follow around a girl who wakes up with “guy parts” and dribbles out apologizes to for every stereotypical guy cliche and then shaves her new balls, sponsored by Gillette.

You can read more about it on AdAge or if you’re like me, you can curl up into a ball and cry over the state of advertising.

Older Woman - ”You know my grand-kids all text message and email me these days. I can’t understand half of what they’re saying.” 

Middle Aged Man – “You text message with them?”

Older Woman – “Well, they won’t take answer the phone when I call. What does LOL mean?”

Middle Aged Man – (with total conviction) ” That means Lots of Love”

Older Woman – “Ohhh that’s so nice!” 

I love that. I don’t even care that its wrong. Just think how often those teens probably text LOL and every time that woman is going to think they’re saying Lots of Love. Granted, most of their conversations won’t make sense and the kids will probably think their grandma is crazy, but she’ll feel loved.

Oh and for anyone who has ever been lost in a text message  vernacular I give you UrbanDictionary.com.

Ladies

Dudes

Sometimes the community takes something and owns it in a way you could have never imagined making it 100 times awesomer. In those times you can only be thankful that some people have way too much free time on their hand and just the right dose of creativity. Yahoo Answers, Amazon Reviews and some people’s random sites have generated hundreds of users to participate and hundreds of thousands to view. 

Here are some of my favorite: 

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt (Amazon Review) 

• 688 customer reviews 
• 7,245 users voted on the reviews

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!)……

Does anyone know a website where for cool bebo profile names? (Yahoo Answers)

• 4 response
• 416 users voted on the reviews

…The internet burned brightly as an escape, a way to show who you were to a wider audience, a way of discovering and sharing things you never knew existed, a way of forcing back the ever encroaching shadows of the real world to keep your internal flame burning just that little bit longer….

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Amazon Review)

• 1,059 customer reviews
• 1,436 users voted on the reviews

One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware — this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass — note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color — it should be opaque, and very, very white. Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?) — there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress…

If you can’t read the email – I’ve copied and pasted the body of the email after the jump. Lovely stuff. 

i’m writing this to you cause i want you to know how i really feel. yes, i made a bogus email to talk to you cause i don’t know any other way to say all this. these past couple days it’s been really killing me. i think you and i both know we’re meant for each other. if you don’t see it then you must be blind. i don’t care what other people are going to think. i’ve had my eyes on you since i first laid eyes on you. sounds corny, but it’s really true. i guess what i’m trying to say is this…we started off friends and now i want to end as lovers. i can honestly say that i’m starting to fall in love with you. and to tell you this way makes me disappointed cause i can’t tell you in person. but know this…it may not look like i have any interest at all, but secretly i think you’re the best thing that God has ever made. no seriously, i mean that from the bottom of my heart.

i just want you to consider how i feel. the pictures that i have of us is probably the best thing in my life right now. i daydream all day about you at work and i can’t stare at your picture all day long. it feels good to let all this out. i have a profile at localdatelink.com if you search my username is “wishfulthinking”. i hate doing it this way, but once you see the pictures, you’ll know who i am. i hope this doesn’t change our relationship in any way. please don’t feel awkward next time you see me. i hope you’ll feel the same way as i do. if not, i completely understand and ill leave you alone…

XOXO

=)