Starburst.

Really CVS a starburst in a banner ad? Really? Are you trying to make me blind? Please tell me you didn’t pay someone to design this. And I (fingers and toes crossed) hope for your sake this starburst was not something you demanded that your agency/designer/poor soul include in the ad.

The right hand sky scraper is the offending banner and no I didn’t cut off the bottom “Now through May” thats how the ad appeared on mail.yahoo.com. The left hand large box is expandable that popped out from “Rollover to Save”.

NutriSoda.

I’ve resisted the urge to write about NutriSoda but the door-hanger I received this morning pushed me over the edge. I first noticed the advertising a month or two ago, on one lonely billboard on my way to the gym.

NutriSoda_Billboard

Seems basic and harmless enough, but there is no f’ing flying pig! I get that its just a saying, but the saying is that when Pigs Fly, X will happen. I don’t see a flying pig. You weren’t creative enough to have one perched on your billboard or tethered to the fly in the air. So if I don’t see the pig flying, then your soda is not really nutritious.

I could forgive them for the bad copy in the one lonely billboard. But the copy on the door-hanger makes me cringe. Check out the front and back here.

nutrisodaFRONT

Front copy reads

Forgot your keys again, did you?

nutrisodaBACK

Back copy reads

No more losing your keys or forgetting to wear pants to the big meeting. Nutrisoda Focus has 11 vitamins and nutrients like L-Tyrosine to help you concentrate on the task at hand. Boost your brain with black cherry and apple goodness.

Ummm…forgetting your keys is one thing but who the hell forgets to wear pants to a meeting? Nutrisoda is for people so incompetent they don’t know how to get dressed? But wait its supposed to help me on the task at hand? So I’ll have to drink it while getting dressed so I can have the mental capacity to do it properly?

Oh and this appeared on my door sometime between 10pm and 6am….creepy.

Then there is the website, GetHubbly.com, where they compare themselves to the Keytar, an El Camino and a Mullet because apparently their target demographic is middle aged trailer trash?

Bus shelter ads have also started appearing, but I refuse to look at them.

Rotoscoped.

Charles Schwab commercials have been using the rotoscoping technique in their ads since about 2005. These ads have always annoyed me. I can’t stand the use of animation purely for the sake of using animation.

Advertising Rules #72 – In commercials targeted towards adults (especially middle aged adults), animation should only be used if real live people could not execute the story line more effectively.

Esurance commercis are a great example of when animation helps the message and the spot. There is no way those storylines could be executed with the same tone, message and slickness if real people were used. Charles Schwab, on the other hand, really doesn’t need to animate people’s faces as they sit on a bench in front of a camera and bitch to you. Real live people could pull that off just fine. 

But then there’s Charles Schwab who is trying to sell itself as an upstanding and reliable finance company. Do the cartoonish characters really support the focus of the campaign? The use of less smug and REAL people would be so much more effective.

Talk to Chuck is such a great line and its completely laid to waste after a viewer sees the douchy characters rotoscoped to ultimate creepiness.  

Charles Swchab recently put its $100M media into play, with incumbent Omnicom’s PHD, Universal McCann and Aegis’s Carat all being invited to pitch. How about you put creative into play too? Your media buy is going to remain ineffective so long as your creative is this terrible.

I couldn’t find a recent spot as an example, but this one from 2008 looks exactly the same as the one from this month. 

Based on the youtube comments, I guess I’m not alone in my distaste for rotoscoping…

Excess.

So raise your hand if in the last few weeks you’ve noticed these ads EVERYWHERE online. 

excess

While these ads annoy me to no end, I would kill to work on this account. This is one of the few accounts that has increased their spend recently and they are just blanketing the web. 

Not sure if their on a behavioral buy (although I don’t look up diet information), could be demographic (because all 25 year old women are obsessed with their weight) or maybe they’re just buying remanent ad space by zip or DMA.

The website (yes I clicked, I was curious) is positioned as a San Diego woman’s blog. Anyone else click through on these and have a website targeting their DMA?

Phones.

I am definitely not Apple fan girl, despite my iphone lust, but I concede that Apple knows what their doing. They’ve revolutionzed the music business (even if they’re tactics are slightly evil). Apples move into cell phones is no different, they’ve revolutionized the level of features and customization users can expect.

Blackberry is desperately trying to  salvage its reputation as THE phone for professionals and cool kids. The Blackberry Storm has adopted many of Apples features to compete (like their touch screen) and are currently running two ad campaigns. One campaign I absolutely love;  the other has actually made me scream at the tv.

Relevancy.

The recent IDC report released in November investiageted the differences between social network users and ‘regular’ internet users. The study discovered that social network users were less receptive to online advertising with only 57% of SN users clicking on at least one ad in the last year compared to 79% of all web users. 

I don’t think anyone who is on a social network is really surprised. Facebook ads have become absolutely ridiculous. I really only see about 10 products that constantly rotate and no advertiser is really targeting me other than my gender, location or relationship status. Few advertisers take advantage of Facebook’s ability to get super targeted, especially the spam folks. You can display ads based on words included on my profile, come on make them relevant! 

Sometimes I click on the spam ads just to make them pay them pay for my clicks. I know, I’m totally getting coal in my stocking this year. 

Corky’s.

Another example of just because you can doesn’t mean you should. 

It looks like they took their full page penny saver ad and tried to make it into banners. 

Does Corky’s really get rid of ants in your pants? And for only $69?? Glad they put that in a starburts or I would never be able to find the price within all the copy in the leaderboard. I’m surpirsed the guy isn’t actually dancing with the spiders in his pants. 

I can’t even write about the big box ad accompanying it….tragically bad. 

I just want to help you Corky’s! Write a comment on this blog and I will help you with your online ads. 

corkys

Corky's.

Another example of just because you can doesn’t mean you should. 

It looks like they took their full page penny saver ad and tried to make it into banners. 

Does Corky’s really get rid of ants in your pants? And for only $69?? Glad they put that in a starburts or I would never be able to find the price within all the copy in the leaderboard. I’m surpirsed the guy isn’t actually dancing with the spiders in his pants. 

I can’t even write about the big box ad accompanying it….tragically bad. 

I just want to help you Corky’s! Write a comment on this blog and I will help you with your online ads. 

corkys

Instinct.

Now that I’m on the prowl for a new phone I’ve started to notice the incredibly annoying the Sprint Instinct spots that seem to be on every commercial break. They even annoy me as I fast forward past them on my DVR.

I don’t even have a real critique, its just when ever they’re on I cringe and gag a little. So please enjoy the spots I pulled on Sprint Instinct’s Product Placement Campaign.

and

Copy.

I’m not a copywriter. I’m a media planner/buyer/new business girl. However, all my research, planning and negotiations are pointless if an ineffective spot makes on my buy. So when I see an brand that fits my demo but the spot makes me dislike the brand, then I’m mad.

Secret failed at this and now Victoria’s Secret is playing advertising ad libs with their copy points instead of actually trying to create spots.

Usually Vicky’s spots are pretty normal- show gorgeous Brazilian girl in underwear and announcer talks about a sale or a new line of bras. Relevant, succinct, informative with good visuals.

Then came this spot introducing the BioFit Bra

“A bra so revolutionary…” really, because the last 12 new bras you came out with were supposedly revolutionary but they were all pretty much the same. I have a hard time swallowing the word ‘revolutionary’ for a bra that does the exact same thing the last one did. Let’s see a real innovation before you start plugging revolutionary into your ad copy.

“…your shape, your cup size” (bottom copy A-D) Are they really expecting me to be impressed that this bra also comes in the standard sizes? Maybe if they started carrying half sizes, or they created some new sizing for this style, but when it’s the same basic sizes, does this fact really belong in your 15 second spot?

“As close to custom as a bra will ever get!” Actually you can buy a custom bra….so no this mass produced standard thing is not as close to custom as a bra will ever get. So far the only custom thing is that it comes in the same basic sizes as every other bra. How does that make it custom?

Either the new BioFit is a horrible product and they creatives didn’t have a chance in hell of making this a good spot, or the creatives were lazy. Whatever the reason this spot made it on air, I certainly don’t intend to buy it and I just might retire my Vicky’s credit card.